attyedhall
01-30-2008, 08:17 PM
> Subject: A Raise?
>
> The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
>
>
> I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
> I do physical labor.
> I work at great depths.
> I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
> I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
> I work in a damp environment.
> I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
> I work in high temperatures.
> My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
> Sincerely,
>
>
> P. Niss
>
> The Response:
>
>
> Dear Penis:
> After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
> the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
> You do not work 8 hours straight.
> You fall asleep after brief work periods.
> You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay
> in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
> You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
> order to start working.
> You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't
> always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
> correct protective clothing.
> You will retire well before you are 65.
> You are unable to work double shifts.
> You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the
> assigned task.
> And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting
> the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
> Sincerely,
>
> V. A. Gina
>
> The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
>
>
> I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
> I do physical labor.
> I work at great depths.
> I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
> I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
> I work in a damp environment.
> I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
> I work in high temperatures.
> My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
> Sincerely,
>
>
> P. Niss
>
> The Response:
>
>
> Dear Penis:
> After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
> the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
> You do not work 8 hours straight.
> You fall asleep after brief work periods.
> You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay
> in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
> You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
> order to start working.
> You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't
> always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
> correct protective clothing.
> You will retire well before you are 65.
> You are unable to work double shifts.
> You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the
> assigned task.
> And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting
> the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
> Sincerely,
>
> V. A. Gina